I won't be posting more content to this blogspot, and instead have imported everything from here to my website: alejandrobellizzi.com, where I will continue to post writing for an audience that could potentially not even exist.
Thank ye kindly,
Saturday, December 21, 2013
This poem is a work in progress.
We may begin anywhere as easily
as my hands in a stasis of blue light,
tracing the keys without a single intention.
I had a thought and now it is gone.
I had a desire, but now I’ve forgotten it.
I sit and try to focus on the faintest outline.
What did I feel? I know I felt something, yet nothing remains.
And I know that the longer I sit, the less I will remember.
Soon I will have forgotten to continue trying
And then I will sit and wait, trying to remember
that I have forgotten something.
I cycle through internet tabs, and there is nothing there
I open the door of the fridge, but I am not hungry
I wash my hands when they are clean
I lay down when I am not tired
I live when I am dead.
There’s something I must have forgotten
And sometimes I panic, when I hold that awareness
By its escaping tip, as though I were struggling to wake.
I stare at a box of assorted éclairs in the freezer
I could get a few and let them defrost. Those might feel good to eatif only for a moment
And then nothing, and I close the door. I make eye contact with the dog.
I say, goodbye dog, and go upstairs. I watch the wood steps disappear beneath me
It takes patience to remember what to do in the day
And to know who we are, beyond the series of phantom-sensations
I have an identity, I am hungry. I am sober. I am sleepy. I am forgetful. I am bored.
Boredom, being that magical space
between nothingness and creation
a few more days of this and I'd invent the indoor rope swing
There’s no one in the world to talk to
Because the Apocalypse has happened, and everyone has died
without any notice. Things just stopped changing,
you'd walk out the door, and find all the moving cars
are completely empty, retracing the same roads
like a flirt with insanity, an infinite return. We live to burn
this divine circle into place.
And this is the manifestation of absolute death,
We may end anywhere as painfully.
Thursday, November 7, 2013
That's a very interesting question.
Life is a moving belt, an array of them
through a series of orifices, and thus
some might say that life belts out
through our orifice
--lost in time and
an illusory sense of motion. Am I moving forward
Or am I just the tunnel
For a bacteria superhighway.
Things go inside of me.
Things go out.
Then I sleep, and in that magical time
Things go inside of me.
And things go out, sometimes I wonder
If these conversations are consensual,
yet everyday god touches me.
I flake, my roots let loose.
The mouth leaks, the nose runs,
our glands sweat the bodies
Of exclusive undercover pools.
The bugs seek shelter and nutrition from my fattening mammal blood.
I seek shelter in the skin of a four leg beast that’s not alive.
The sun says I’m stuck between my teeth and I spit,
We are paid to sweep the world in circles,
to get the ground wet and then
to dry, to throw ourselves away little-by
Little, as in, to desperately peel
An adhesive tag from a cheap gift.
We are all miserable people
Awake in the dream and between worlds.
I will be more willing to talk about this when
We've become beautiful angels.
But not now, not in the thicket, in the thick of it
Who has time. When this is over--let’s talk.
When I’ve cut through and I’ve broken
A dirt path behind me where nothing will
Ever grow again, maybe then
We’ll discuss this terrible lie at length.
Monday, August 5, 2013
While at my mothers a couple weeks ago, I indulged in the powers of nostalgia after finding my old early childhood journalings, the one’s they made me write in school, wherein I must have explored incredible depths of pure sorrow and spiritual insight. I knew even before opening them that I was about to become immersed in the absolute destitution and darkness and suffering of my young, defenseless soul. Oh god, oh nothingness, ready me for this trial...
Sept. 4, 1997 When I was
Siecke me and my mom whent
Shoping and my mom lit me giete
A bat man folder
It’s one of those big notebooks with a lot of extra red lines and blue dotted lines so my feeble mind could understand where to put the hoops of my inbred reimagining of the alphabet.
Sept 8, 1997 I hav bin to
canade. I hav bin to mienesade.
I like liegose.
Below this I have drawn a picture of our blue minivan.
Sept 9, 1997 Whin I lied in
Kansas we had a apple tree and
They chopt it duon bcase it was
Dieying. I had a dream
Sept/ 11. 1997 I am invieyding a
Friend over today. My big sieiet miest
The bus. I like me. I like school.
I like my teacher. I like art. I
Sept. 12, 1997
Today we played color word
Bingo we got pretzels
Sept. 15, 1997 Today is my dads
Birthday, Yester day I played whith
Liegos. Today my bus didn,t pieck
Me up today,
Sept. 17, 1997 Lasniyt my mom
Gave me a bage fool of
Reber stamse. Whin my mo
Ferst got me reber stamse I
Got absist bei them. Whones
My mom got me a rever stampe
Ckeite. I like reber stamse a lotes.
Sept. 16, 1997 The day bafor
Monday I whint to the pooewhl
Whith my friend. Yesterday it was
My dads berthday and me and my
Sister were the only ones that
Gave heim a peizint.
Sept. 22, 1997 My dad
Bote me power tool
And some other tools to
White my tools I bielt a
Toy siedee whithe them. I like
Hodeweir stors more then tay stors. I
Sept. 19, 1997 Trucks can go
Fast. Cars can go fast
Sept. 23, 1997 I,m going to
get reele tooles for creismis.
I hope I get reele tooles
For my bethday. Ervrea
Sept. 25, 1997 I made up
My own bowrd game and you
Get to blowe up ather
Planse beckase you are drieving a
Plan. Yesterday I invitede
Sept. 29, 1997 I whint to the
Children’s museum in
Indianapolis and whin we had brickfist
I liete one of my toys there and
when we whin we whint to go got it it was
Sept. 30, 1997 A loge time
Agowe I vomided in my momns
Bed. Yesterday I mayd a ckataplte.
October 1, 1997 Yesterday I
saw my bookbadee at cogere.
My bookbadee knowse my big
In this instance, the “o”s in “bookbaddee” have been drawn to look like Jack O lanterns.
October. 2, 1997 My big brather
Had this one game collde cosmoe
I yoost to not like it but nouw
I do it seemnse funer to me.
Fed. 18, 1998 Once upon a
time a strange egg was found. A little
boy found it. One day the egg
hatcht. A tiny baby alien came out.
The little boy new it was peafel.
But the alien toock him to his spaship
And tund him in to alien. The boy was glad.
October 6, 1997 I got
Magieck sapliyse. And I got a
Micker masheense qlay site. I have
A knowe stooden in my cklase. I
Whint to sensandea jast for lunche
We whint to apple beese. I
Like riding and school very mache.
Fed. 17, 1998 Yesterday My mom
got me a sily slamer. When you
slam it it makes muosick. But
it unous my dad. So I put it in
a sound proof plastic egg. At
school I,m drowing the titanic.
I like legos
.October. 7, 1997 Some peapel
Are coming frome areginteene
To my house. Some day my case
Well have a feale tripe.
October. 9, 1997 Today Mr.
Strominger is coming to our
cllase room. Lase night I a
nite mire and I found out
whit was ckasing all the
scare thing my sister was.
Yesterday my cllas had a feal triep.
Mar 6, 1998 I dicided not to make
Some for my big brother. I,m
Making a catupolte for attacks. I
Have HOT WEELES truck car
Ckareayer. Today we are having
The bat is black. The pumpkin
October. 13 1997 Lasnite I
Wochet hany we shrol are
Silfse. And Yesterdat whin the
Sus was up I wochet a moovy
Colled jonygive the mooys I
Wochet were rilly good. I
Boy do I like moyovys very mache.
October 14 1997 I hat school
October. 21, 1997 Yesterday
My mom and me and my
sester whint shoping we a
big pumpkin in for the
October. 23, 1997 Today
My sester is getting her
Bran teste. Yesterday me and
My sester opened my muncy
Bran and there were very
Stchranj werenmse in siyde it. I
Lick to put things down the
--eyefente. Today at school I
Ran out pajes on jennels so
I rote the rest on the nexst
Paje and I rote a nother
October. 27, 1997 Yesterday
I whint to the thuder to
see contact. I,m going to be
the min in black for Halloween
There is three more days in
Tell Halloween. Whin I got
Miye cktoom I got a fresbee.
October. 29, 1997 I,m very
Egsid because there is one mare
Day in till Halloween. At fest I
Was going to be a mummy but
Nowe I,m going to be the min in
Black. A lotse of things hapinde at
Dener lase nite. I like Halloween a lote
Ocober 30, 1997 Yesterday I
Carved my pumckin in to a jack-o-
Lantern. Lasnite my mad sester
clod me on the eyer and made it
blead. To day is Halloween I,m
very ickided about it a lote. I
like Hallween. It,s going to be colde.
Fed. 11, 1998 I brong a space
Puzzle to school. Last night my
Big sister bady sitid me. My mom
Toock me to school today. At school
We are leaning about space.
Nov. 3 1997 Yesterday me and
My big bruther got a wor panit.
Lasnite I ghostbustes 2. In ghost
Bustes 2 all the tru
Nove. 11, 1997 Today is veteran
S day. There is 16 more days in
Tell thanks giving. I wish Kim
Wood chop her head oof. And if
She des,nt I,m going to chop
Off my head. I wont kim to go
By by I’m going to ckec by .
Nov. 12, 1997 There is 15 m
More days in tell thangs giving I
Can,t wat in tell the day is here.
We did play the outs Yesterday.
I do not like burney. Lasnit I
Had a dreem.
Nov. 18, 1997 Whin I was on
The bus I aksadintly pedictd
The fucher because whith out
Nowing I thought the skating
Porty was on the 18. Yesterday
I saw Bryan at the rec
Feb 4, 1998 Tomorro is 100’s
Day. My dad is […]
The lonly hot dog!
Nov. 18, 1997 Once upon a time
There was a hot dog a
Lo[ne]ly hot dog. One day he
Saw a egg and the hot dog
Said well you be my frinde sour
He said. They eat a lote of
Spaghetti. They were beast friends.
March. 3, 1998 Yesterday I was sick.
Casey didi.nt like my computer game.
I lik my computer game because it
Has a funny song clde the biology
Nov. 19, 1997 There,s 7
More days is tell thanks
Giving I can,t wat in
Tell it,s hear. I,m a good
Feb. 26 1998 Yesterday Bryn went to my
House to play with me. On Friday tiffany
Is comeing to my house. My big brother
Instold my computer g
Dec. 1, 1997 The night bufor
Yesterday I want to the thuder
Whith my family to see Ari
Bud. I put 15 things on my
Chrasmas lest. My dad well
Lete me put reel tools on my
I well buy you a chrasmas
Gift. I,ll buy you a chrasmas
Gift. I did not eat pizza.
I didn,t eat pizza.
December 4, 1997 I,v got a loose tooth.
My mom toock out
Our chrasmas tran. There is 6 more
Days in tell the chrasmas play.
Me and stevi are the best drars
in the classroom. I got two papers
in the mall today. I gav Griffin mall.
Deceber. 5, 1997 Today is my
Bad luck day. Today I made
a very good peckcher. My
teacher shod to the holl class.
Even Misis rusul. Yesterday ,e
And my sister opened our deckor
Rashens. I like chrasmas a lote.
December. 8, 1997. Mery Christmas
To you! Come and decorat my tree.
The soldiers are marching in a
Mar. 4, 1998 I can make my sillf cross
Ieyd. I,m making something for my big
Brother out of wood, and it has a catupolte
To. I havet to yoos a saw for it.
December. 10, 1997 Tonight is
The play. I,m going to be a
Solger. I,m very very ecksided.
The play,s name is Gingerbread
Holiday. We do the play two
December. 12, 1997 I put a new
Power tool. There is 14 more
Days in tell Christmas. kim is
Being very weard these days
My sister is mean.
The last two sentences were semi erased.
December. 15, 1997 On the
Weekend my famly put our Christmas
Tree. Me and my big sister rap all the
Preasnts in the house. There is 10 more
day in tell Christmas I,m very ecksded.
My mom let me get something very
Dagris on my Christmas leste. I like Christmas
December. 17, 1997 Today at school
I went up to the prisabels
Offis to read her two books to her
And I and I got one sap onor each
Each book. I made two books
To read to the holl class I
Was ckinda shie. I,m happy!!!!!!!
December 81, 1997 The wreath is
green. Rudolph is a reindeer. The
ornaments are on the tree.
Below this I have drawn a dinosaur wearing a santa hat. He has torn flesh, perhaps from a smaller, weaker dinosaur, in his teeth. To his right stands a Christmas tree.
Jan. 5, 1997 My big brother
Is 14 now. I got a aliens toy.
My dad said maybe I could see
Aliens four. For chrismas I got
A big stack on tool box. And a
Mote ckintrole car. A sanding tool.
Scroo drvers. And scroos. Anda mijer.
Mar. 12, 1998 Today I misted the
Bus. Next week isNic’s last
Weeke. Today is music appreciation
day. Tomorrow is Fieday the 13th.
Jan 6, 1998 I shod my
Alein toy to my hol class and I
Lite some kids in my class see it.
I finlly droo my toy Alein
Jan. 7, 1998 There is a new kid in
My class. I wante to show him
How to drow rely good. The new
Stoodints name is Nick. I,m drowing
A piccher for him. I wante to be
The new stoodents frinde. Yesterday
I showd my toy Aline.
Though I never recorded it in my journals at the time, Nick and other bigger kids came and beat me up for no reason. They chased me down in the mulch, possibly the most important type of ground in my childhood existence.
Jan. 13, 1998 In 28 day I
Well get a new lego Egyptian
Set. Yesterday I did,nt go to school
Becuse I had to go to the dentest
And then I went to a doctersapont-
Ment. Some day well getalego t-shert
I went to tokedel yesterday.
I think “tokedel” means Taco Bell.
Feb. 23, 1998 On saderday I went to
Doscafery Zone and I went the movie
Thuder. My birthday is comeing up. Last
Friday I went to the clinck at school.
Jan. 14 1998 There is 27
Days intil I get my new lego
Set I cant wate intil I get it.
I went to frindes hous Yesterday
Last nihgt my big sister baby
Mar. 10, 1998 My dad insold a new
Conjurer game and I allready beat
It. I evin found a araningataning
On the game. And theres even a sticker
Book the thing and put it in it
Intil it fils up then you can,t put
Any more stickers init.
Jasn. 20, 1998 I went to see
Home alone 3. I wont to sicko! I,m
A weard weard boy! Ons I fell off
Jan. 26, 1998 I watcht the sooper
Ball. I freesd my alien toy in the
Freezer. I,m going to have all my
Alien toys have a big war agenst my
Toy solljer. I watcht the snooby ball.
Jan. 27 1998 In six days I,m going to get my lego
Egipchen set. I did relly good on
my grad ckard. I have a computer in
my room now. I,m a very good
Jan. 28, 1998 There is five days
I well get my lego set. I cant
Wate intel I get it. I did n,t wake up
Grouchy this morning. My mom
Jan. 29, 1998 I,m going to get
My new lego set in four days.
My mom is stel sick. My big brother
Is sick. I have a drume to beange
To the school tomorrow. I give male
To Griffin today at school.
Feb. 2, 1998 Yesterday I saw
Titanic. I got my lego set.
When I pole back a gray lego
Black a mummy popse out of my
Lego set. There is only one yecy
Part in titanic.
Feb. 3, 1998 Once upon a time
This entry has apparently been “x”d out quite violently.
Mar. 11, 1998 Today at school I
Had a test. But it wasint hard. There
is 27 more days intil my birthday.
Mar. 24, 1998
Yesterday I was in chigago and I saw the sears tawer. I even sa a racking dall racking a abandint bilding. It was cool. We went to a raine forist cafae it was caferd with plants, and rodat anamalls that was cool. We daght realy shiny, we got a hole bage fule. When we were goin home all what we code thing about was sining. We had lotse and lotse fun in Chicago. We had a grate time!
April. 7, 1998 Today is my birthday my I,m very happy. I,m going to be 8. My favrit party faver is the water guns.
April 6, 1998 Tomorrow is my birthday I,m eixsided! I found a bunch of toy in my old play room and I got a two huge birthday prints, a ari craft carryr and a ever huger toy colde chosea and I alsoe gat toy transforming dinosors that tern into robots. That,s cool!
April. 8, 1998 Yesterday was my birthday I liket my party a lote. They even pickt my up. A asounsment that did,nt make very much sens, and there we were all cheering!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
April. 13, 1998 I didn,t get eninithing but 5 dollars for ester I went to Griffin,s birthday party. It was a boling party and I came in 3thd.
My name is Alejandro
Today is Tuesday, April 14, 1998. I have $26 and I might get more. I really like Legos. I well bring my Miss Frizzle CD-Rom tomorrow.
April. 15, 1998 I,m going to get a turtle. I is my respontsability. But It need to study them first. Today is our Miss Frizzle day.
April. 16, 1998
I really want to get a Boxing turtle because I want a big turtle. I have four lose teeth.
April. 21, 1998
I might get a turtle today with my therdy bucks. I bilt a relly big lego shipe at school. I like turtles.
April. 22, 1998
Yesterday I made a mudcake. I,m happy for no apsalut rean! I might go to Qr with Bryan today.
And there it is. I meant to say I am happy for no absolute reason. Then again, I was going to Q zar with Bryan to play lazer tag. So maybe there was a reason.
Alpril. 23, 1998
I,m going to have a gerog sale on saterday. I had a dreem last night. I,m a non brand and crazu weardo!!!! I,m going to get a hampster!
I have no idea what I meant by “non brand.”
April. 24, 1998 eggs
Have to have a mother and father to hatch. It takes 21 days for an egg to hatch.
Below this I draw a chicken.
April. 27, 1998
My shirt was inside out. I had to put it on right. I draw a monster that just ate Barney! I’m happy!!!!
May. 5, 1998 I got
The UFO Lego mother ship! I droow a stang pictcher at school today! I donot like the luntch ladys! There mean!
May. 11, 1998 Igot a new
Sandles. I got a hiar cut. I do,nt want to title any body wate got my mom for mothers day. Because you,l laphe.
May. 11, 1998
Jessica thinks 5x60=30. But it realy is 300!!! Jessica disint care about me riting this and that incloods what I,m riting right now!!!
I remember this. I went around my classroom explaining how magical it was that 5 time 60 equaled 300, large numbers for my small mind. There was an Indian kid named Neal who was much smarter than I was, and he was not impressed at all. “5 times 6 is thirty, times five times 10 equals 300—that’s easy.” He replied. Son of a bitch.
May. 13, 1998 I
Boght a orangutan poster from the book fare at school today. I lost my top tooth yesterday at m necksdoornabers house! I was eaing a fruit rollup! I got 5$ even a litter. It said
Then there is a blank page, and on the next page the inexplicable phrase:
“My name is Michael brush.”
May. 18, 1998
The kindergarteners are coming today save me!!!!!!!
May. 19, 1998
Me and my sister made a toy casle out of cardboard and pant for my play mobeels. It is cool. Mrs. Holloway likes my pickchers!!!
May. 20, 1998
I got a new toy! Yesterday! Griffin is mad at me
Each letter of this entry has been almost illegibly drawn extreme bubble letters
May. 21 1998
May. 26, 1998 I saw
GODZILLA! I got a GODZILLA Book! That came with a 6 foot GODZILLA poster! I had a fit with my nixtdoor naber! Yesterday I had a pivnke!
May. 22m 1998
I am a monster!!!
I had a nightmar last night,
I had a nightmar last night,
And I new I was dreaming! I brock a bead lizzerd!!! Blahh Blah blah blah!!!
May. 29, 1998 I got
A new GODZILLA cards
The letters of the word yesterday look like small creatures with eyes and teeth.
June. 1998 I love legos! I made my lego.
On the cover of the old note book from the second grade, I have misspelled my own name
I have outlined my name in the shape of a car, a frumpy strange car, and drawin wheels underneath. Hot wheels, motherfucker.